


Love Undefined

by GettingGreyer



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: F/F, Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-10-15 15:45:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17531603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GettingGreyer/pseuds/GettingGreyer
Summary: When Adora left the Horde, she would quickly learn that there was a lot about the world that she did not know.The Horde never told her what love was.





	Love Undefined

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this fic on and off again for several months and I'm so happy that I've finally finished it! I hope you enjoy.

The glass walls shattered the day that Adora stepped out of that cage.

At first only seeping darkness and horror was able to peer through the cracks in the mirror and Adora was confronted with the Horde’s true face and reflection. But over time, the pieces of the shattered wall would crumple completely—crashing violently to the ground—and Adora was left with the sight of previously unimaginable beauty.

Her life had been spent being told of the horrors that existed in Etheria, she was told that it was up to the Horde to wipe that horror from the world and to save it from itself. But as Adora stared at the pleasant greenery, the laughing people celebrating festivities unknown, and the pleasant hum of joy—Adora realized that everything she had ever been told was nothing more than a lie.

The world was not made of horror and darkness, instead it was of beauty and light—and that light had to be protected from the monstrous shadow that was the Horde’s undying touch.

Adora left her home and despite the darkness that pervaded it she still yearned and missed the cold rooms and militant atmosphere, but she left welcoming the new beauty that her life would now be filled with in Bright Moon.

But she had never considered what she had left behind.

She didn’t want to consider it.

***

The first time Adora would ever hear the word spoken, it had been softly whispered with deep affection and worried concern from the lips of a mother.

A routine mission had gone disastrous and Adora and the others had only very nearly escaped with their lives, but Glimmer had not come out unscathed. The day they returned was met with vicious roars from Queen Angella who scolded their incompetence and inability to protect her daughter, at first Adora had been quite tense at the sound of shouting. It was too reminiscent of Shadow Weaver for comfort, but she relaxed as Queen Angella’s anger died down only to reveal the peculiar affection and fear that had been hidden beneath it all along. And hidden further was a vulnerability and weakness that Adora had never heard in any commanding officer, let alone Shadow Weaver.

“I’m sorry to shout,” Queen Angella’s eyes clouded with mist. “I just don’t know what I’d do if I lost someone else I loved. I can’t lose my daughter, not Glimmer.”

“Don’t worry, Your Majesty. Glimmer will heal and I’ll make sure this never happens again.”

“Thank you, Bow.”

Bow continued to recount the mission and all the events that had transpired now that Queen Angella was calm enough to absorb them, but Adora was left in stunned and quiet silence. The two had continued speaking as if they had understood what that word meant, what power it must have held, but Adora was left grappling at the strength of the word—overwhelmed by something she didn’t understand.

Hours after she had heard that word she would attempt to wrap her tongue around the simple vowels, yet it felt wrong coming from her lips. When she spoke the word it had no gentleness, no depth, and no affection. She tried to reach for the word—to reach for the feeling it inspired within her—but whenever she attempted to say it, it came out hoarse and uneven, a bitter and empty replication.

Love.

Trying to understand it was like staring into a blistering sun, the light was warm, but it burned.

Adora didn’t want to ask someone what it meant. From the brief moment she had heard the word, she knew that it was something deeply intimate and innate, it seemed wrong to ask, but she had no choice if she wanted to see the colors of the sky.

***

“Are you joking?” Bow stared at her with wide and horrified eyes. The first time Adora saw this expression was when she informed the boy that she didn’t know what parties were; and she would come to see the expression again and again with surprising frequency. The amount of mundane yet frivolous knowledge the Horde had kept from her would never cease to amaze Adora. And today Bow’s eyes looked grimmer than they ever had before.

Adora held back the breath she wished to release and urged her fingers to remain unclenched. “Do I look like I’m joking? Can you just hurry up and tell me. It’s embarrassing to not know all of these things.”

“Wow, I mean, sorry! It’s just … love is kind of difficult to explain.” Bow rubbed his hand against his neck as his eyes gazed quietly towards the sky. “It’s not really something you learn, you just know it.”

“So you’re saying I’m hopeless.”

“No! I’m saying that I’m not the best person to ask. The princesses would probably be able to explain better than I’d ever be able to.”

“But I’m a princess!” Adora struggled to not shout. “I should already know all of these things and if I don’t then how can I be a proper princess? I don’t want them to know just how much of a failure I am.”

“You are not a failure, Adora.” The words left Bow’s mouth immediately. “The Horde was super messed up, so it’s okay for you to not know everything.”

“Thanks,” Adora smiled slightly as she spoke. “So you’ll tell me what love is? Because … when Queen Angella said it, it seemed so … important. Like, when I heard the word it was like a puzzle piece was beginning to slide into place. It was like something that should’ve been there all along … something beautiful.” Something very nearly within reach, but that kept eluding her fingertips as she grasped for it.

Bow stared at Adora and she couldn’t tell if it was pity or wonder that kept him staring.

“Love is important. It’s one of the most important emotions—the most important. It’s what binds all of us together.” Bow’s fingers folded into each other as he spoke, his hands trying to express what his words couldn’t do alone. “When you love someone, you care deeply about them. It’s similar to liking someone, but more. It’s deeper, stronger, more powerful.”

“That seems so … vague.”

Bow nodded. “It’s a pretty vague emotion which is why it’s so hard to define. Everyone feels love differently in different ways. And there are different types of love: familial, platonic, and romantic to name a couple.”

“I think I understand, but what does love feel like? How is it different from just liking someone? How do the types differ?”

As Adora asked her questions, Bow reached to rub the back of his neck again.

“Well … I mean, I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. It’s like—”

“You love someone right?” Bow’s face flushed red as he nodded. “Then just explain to me what it feels like for you.”

“Oh, okay.” Bow struggled to find the words as he spoke. “Well, I love my dads. They've taken care of me and raised me and I love them.” He paused, as if grasping for words that escaped him. “I love them. I care about them and they care about me. I don't always like them, though. When I was younger I could really dislike them at times, especially if they grounded me, but I always loved them.” He nodded, as if he found the words. “Love is about always caring about someone even if they're being really annoying.”

“Do you love Glimmer?”

“Yeah, I mean, we've been best friends for as long as I've known. I worry about her when she's hurt or in danger and I like spending time with her.”

“And you care about her even when she's being annoying?”

Bow laughed, “Especially when she's being annoying.”

Adora paused, slowly absorbing all that Bow said. Everything Bow had said had seemed both familiar and foreign, distant and near—just out of reach as it brushed against her fingertips.

“Can love hurt?”

Bow looked startled. “It's not supposed to.”

Adora nodded, as it pulled further from her reach.

***

Bow became incredibly helpful. After he got over his initial embaressnessment, he became quite passionate and detailed in his “lectures on love” (his words, not Adora’s). He explained how his father’s loved each other romantically, which differed greatly from platonic and familial love; that led to a very interesting discussion on what kissing is—a discussion which Adora did not want to repeat.

But as helpful as Bow was, as much as he prudently answered each and every one of her questions, she still found herself more lost and confused than ever before.

Her mind flashed to the girl that she left behind.

Catra had been her everything.

Adora wasn’t sure she could ever fully qualify her relationship with her or if it even counted as … because it wasn’t supposed to hurt, was it?

Everytime she thought of Catra, all she could see was the girl’s heterochromic eyes staring at her as she fell and fell. Adora reached for her—hand outstretched—but Catra let her fall, made her fall, and she was left in isolation to grasp emptily at the air.

It wasn’t supposed to hurt, but it always hurt.

***

At night, Adora found herself wandering the dark and empty halls of Bright Moon.

The silence of the walls was disconcerting. In the Fright Zone there was no such thing as silence. The pipes in the walls would creak and soldiers constantly walked around the halls, whether they were supposed to or not.

Even at night it was never silent. Kyle would be loudly snoring several beds. Shadow Weaver frequently entered the room, her eyes peering across the beds as her shadows slithered across the floor. And beside Adora was Catra, whose light breathing was a relaxing melody that soothed her to sleep.

It was never quiet with her.

Adora shook the thought away and forced herself to walk forward. Her heavy steps sent a relieving _thud_ across the halls.

Adora walked and for a moment the silence became comfortable, but then she saw a familiar tall figure across the hall.

Adora considered walking away, but instead she moved forward and stood next to Queen Angella. Her pale eyes were gazing softly at a large painting, her hand hovering over the face of a man.

“Your Majesty,” Adora greeted. She still wasn't sure which way to address the Queen.

Queen Angella barely acknowledged the new arrival, her eyes turned briefly to the girl before returning to the painting. “Having trouble sleeping?”

“Yes, ma'am. I mean, Your Majesty.”

Queen Angella smiled. “No need to be so formal at the moment.

“Yes, ma’am.” Adora flinched as she realized her mistake. “I mean … yeah.”

Queen Angella turned her face away and Adora had the sneaking suspicion that she was being laughed at.

Eventually the Queen regained her composure and looked back to Adora. “Why are you wandering the halls at this hour?”

Adora couldn't come up with an answer. “I don't know.”

Queen Angella nodded. “I often come here to see my husband.” Her finger stroked softly against the paint. “He died far before his time. Taken too soon.

“You loved him,” Adora said, the word tasted bittersweet.

“No, I love him.” She pulls her hand away from the portrait and turned to look at Adora, tears were proudly falling from her eyes. “For better or worse, you can’t kill love. I will always love him, even if he is no longer here to feel it.”

“You’re sad,” Adora said before she could stop herself. Her face flushed as she blustered out a quick apology. “I’m sorry, your majesty. It’s just … Bow said love shouldn’t hurt.”

Queen Angella laughed, a quiet broken sound. “He’s young. He hasn’t yet loved and lost, and I hope that it’ll be years before he ever does.”

Adora nodded, waiting for an indication that she should depart, but instead of sending her away Queen Angella looked at her expectedly.

“In the Horde …” Adora started, her voice suddenly quiet. “They never really told us about love. I—I never even heard of the word until I came here.”

“But you have loved.”

Adora nodded and then shook her head. “I’m not sure. I think I have, but I don’t know. It’s—”

“Confusing. Yes, I understand.” Queen Angella had a soft smile on her lips, not as sad as before, but instead nostalgic. “I remember what it was like to be your age. So young and everything was so new, it’s rather common for people to feel confused over love. And I imagine lacking the word for your feelings would only further complicate them.”

Adora nodded.

“Love,” Queen Angella began. “Is a brilliance of light. It feels more wonderful than anything else. But it also feels painful and barbed. Love is happiness and bitterness molded into one form. It's a torture like no other. It's—”

“Everything,”

“Yes,” Queen Angella nodded. “It's everything.”

And as the words left the queen's lips, Adora felt the final puzzle piece slide into place.

*

*

*

Adora returned to her room and walked out onto her balcony. The black sky looked painfully empty, but in her mind Adora could see a billion sparks of light.

The light was gone, but it would never die.

She knew that now. The word and knowledge was grasped delicately in her hand and she'd never let it go.

Adora looked to the sky, hoping beyond reason that somehow she would hear them—the words that finally sounded right on her lips, “I love you, Catra.”


End file.
